


Messed up

by COTZO



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Day 7: Freestyle, M/M, Song fic, Tianshan Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/COTZO/pseuds/COTZO
Summary: Tianshan weekDay 7: FreestyleMessed up ( song fic )





	Messed up

He Tian:You’ll be the death of me  
So bring me my coffin please  
So happy and misery  
I think you’re my savior

Sometimes Tian felt in his apartment, no, not even his, but his uncle apartment like he was locked and couldn’t get out. But he got used to that. He knew that he had no choice but to stay there, his father has not a choice for a long time now, and he hated his brother for thousands of reasons and one in particular. But he got used to this also. It was easy to get used to loneliness.  
But the moment he saw Mo Guan Shan bleeding in school he knew that nothing compared to the feeling of: I NEED TO PROTECT HIM, I HAVE TO PROTECT HIM, I WILL PROTECT HIM OR I WILL DIE. Mo Guan Shan will be the death of him and the boy that time didn’t even care. It was like the red haired boy was his coffin and his savior at the same time. He enclosed his heart in a coffin when he was hurt, or mad, or sad, and his heart felt saved when it felt the oter one close, when it felt the others heart, when he saw the boy full of energy and joy.

Mo Guan Shan: I know my heads not right  
I think too much overnight  
But in you I see a light  
Let’s be more than strangers  
He knew something was not right with him the moment his heart started beating very hard when He Tian touched him. And in school it was getting worse and worse because he kept loosing nights thinking at all the gestures, all the little touches, all the attention he received and he couldn’t for the death of him decide if he detested it or loved it. Because the only person that touched him so freely was his mother and that was it. He has built a wall of anger, screams and loneliness around him and no one managed to break it. No one ‘till He Tian. It was all so frustrating.  
But they got on the same high school and things changed, He Tian was like a little light at the end of a dark tunnel. He never wanted to end in high school, but Tian helped him with jobs so he could help his mom and still study, when he had problems with studying Tian saw and helped him study, Tian was closer and closer and he couldn’t stop it. But did he want to stop it? Not anymore. So after a basketball match with the two of them versus some older two guys, a wined match, he took Tian’s hand, dragged him behind a tree and told him what he wanted for so long but never had the guts.  
“Let’s be more then strangers!”  
It was really hard to stop from laughing when he saw He Tian’s face of utterly confusion, he closed the gap between them and kissed him, hard!

Both: you say you’re scared  
But I’ll take you there  
If you were my God I’d believe

They kissed at home, they kissed in the dark, they kissed and kept kissing until He Tian could not stop any more and wanted touching, wanted owning, wanted the boy in front of him so bad that it hurt. But Guan Shan never let him. As soon as He Tian tried putting his hands on the boy’s skin, the other was stopping and pretending to have something else to do.  
Tian was going crazy so after another round of kisses, after more or less three months the moment it started, he stopped and looked the boy directly in his big, brown eyes. He never believed in a god, the world was to cruel for something so good to exist. But if he had to believe in something, he would believe in Guan Shan, he believed that the boy will heal him.  
“Why did we stop?” and Momo seemed as amazed that he asked the question as He Tian was.  
“I want to touch you Momo! Let me feel you!”  
“I’m scared.”  
“Why?”  
“Because no one else ever done it, and because I don’t understand what is it so enticing for you to touch a skinny boy. I don’t have boobs or soft hips, I’m all rough. I’m scared that you will want to get back to softness and fullness.”  
“Do you ever think about touching me?”  
“… yes.”  
“Do you want boobs and thick hips?”  
“… no.”  
“Ok then, touch me!”  
He Tian got his shirt up and threw it somewhere in the room, he didn’t care. He just wanted for his boy to touch him. He never would have guessed that the hardest part was to not touch when he felt so good to be touched. Guan Shan’s fingers were cold but they ignited his skin where they passed. They were like dragon’s fire spreading and covered everything in heat until it engulfed you whole.  
So–o turn the lights off  
And get closer to me  
I want to o–overdose  
On the air you breathe  
Tian couldn’t stop himself any more. It was too much fire, too much heat and he wanted to give it back. He wanted to show the man in front of him how much he desired him, all of him.  
“Momo go and close the lights!”  
His voice was powerful and urgent so Shan got up and closed the light. They were again in Tian’s apartment and even though the lights were out you could see because of the city lights. He stopped in the middle of the living room not knowing what to do any more. He could not breathe so well, he felt hot and he wanted … what? He didn’t know this feeling.  
“Momo, get closer to me!”  
Tian was about to explode when he saw his man coming closer and closer, without asking why. He didn’t want to kiss him anymore, no he wanted to invade him, to make him all his so looking straight in the other’s eyes he adjusted his breath so they could breathe the same air, not touching, not kissing, just staring and breathing the same air, and it was like they were taking drugs, just that they were each other’s drug.  
Some days I need to break down  
Some days you’re just like me  
BUT.....  
It’s like you’re my medicine  
Good good to bad bad to worse  
Back to good But it works  
He wished he could break down, to take the other in his arms and never let go, to touch him until he knew by hard all his crevices, to kiss him until his tongue hurt and to feel it all. And the moment he thought about it something passed from his eyes to the others and he just sighed. He knew the other was just like him, but he didn’t have the courage to just let all go and do what he want.  
The redhead wanted to be able to soothe the other, wanted to heal, but could he? He lifted his hand and touched Tian’s neck. It scared him when he closed his eyes for the first time in minutes and sighed.  
It was good but it turned bad, it was too little, He Tian wanted more, so much more. It was worse when Shan took his hand off him, but one hard turned back with another that touched He Tian’s neck and it was again good, it worked.

 

Our messed up kind of LOVE  
SO MESSED UP JUST LIKE US  
Our messed up kind of love that..  
Makes me love that we’re insane  
That was the moment he realized he loved the boy, and it was all messed up and scary and full of holes and he couldn’t confess right now because he knew that if he wanted the boy not to stop he should just shut the fuck up but again it was hard but that was how they were, messed up and insane, but it worked.

He Tian: I was a lonely soul  
Background: he was alone  
He Tian: searching for my pot of gold  
Now I’m still a lonely soul  
But I’m searching with you

When he was little he always searched for normality, for richness, not money but love, but he was always alone. Now they were both trying to act normal, to feel each other up, and maybe they didn’t make it some days, but they were both trying

Mo Guan Shan: now we go to restaurants  
Just like the normal Ones  
We order what we want  
But all I want is ...  
After escaping from the restaurant the first time, He Tian tried again and again to make Momo confortable with the situation, with the atmosphere, he tried really hard to make Shan feel normal agai, and he did it, after many years of trying. He always ordered whatever Momo wanted because this way it was a little bit easier, but after every succeeded attempt all Shan wanted was to get faster home, because all he wanted was …

 

Both:So–o turn the lights off  
And get closer to me  
I want to o–overdose  
On the air you breathe  
Some days I need to break down  
Some days you’re just like me  
BUT.....  
It’s like you’re my medicine  
Good good to bad bad to worse  
Back to good But it works  
Our messed up kind of LOVE  
SO MESSED UP JUST LIKE US  
Our messed up kind of love that..  
Makes me love that we’re insane

It was finally the time it will happen, Mo wanted it to be so getting in Tian’s apartment he closed the lights after entering and got really close to the man. Tian had been really patient with him and he knew that he deserved a prize. A few minutes they just looked at each other and did that strange thing they did, but was theirs, just breathed each other’s air. He needed to break down and he knew Tian was there too, it was one of those days, so he stared undressing the man and all was good. Tian was unmoving like a statue and it was all good, but then it was bad because he had to undress himself and he didn’t know if he had enough courage. It got worse when Tian did it for him because he was so nervous and he felt so weak. But it all turned good the moment they started kissing and touching, without thinking. 

Momo knew that he loved the man in front of him, knew it was messed up because they were both men but it didn’t matter. They were both messed up one way or the other so what the heck, he started laughing, kissing and touching with a frenzy. He threw Tian in the large bed, got over him, forgetting all and just yelled: I love you, you son of a bitch!  
He Tian was speechless for just three seconds before laughing and answering: I love you too, you little fucker!

**Author's Note:**

> I had this in my mind for a long time and I just had to do it!  
> For those who wonder I prefer to listening to the "Nightcore - Messed up" not the original. Sorry!  
> Hope you ENJOY!


End file.
